Sticky post

I am a domestic abuse survivor

I was late to the christening of my friend’s child. That morning I’d had a hot cup of tea thrown at me – it missed, smashed against the wall, the rips in the wall paper are probably still there. That was the first time I’d had something thrown at me. Before that it had ‘just’ been drunken verbal abuse, yelling and accusations in the middle of the night, me often curled into the foetal position. I recorded the ranting to remind myself of how bad it could get – a desire to make things work always resulted in me erasing the recording. His Aunt heard it, … Continue reading I am a domestic abuse survivor

Charm, lies and victim blaming

“Why did I stay. I never thought of myself as a battered wife, instead I was a strong woman in love with a deeply scared man – and I was the only one who could help him.” Leslie Steiner You will often here Domestic Abuse Survivors say this, it certainly was my reasoning for 2 1/2 years. What I didn’t understand was the full extent of the lies he was telling about me, nor did I really understand how much he was manipulating me either. When I met him, he was charming, and he certainly turns on the charm for other people – helpful, considerate, plays … Continue reading Charm, lies and victim blaming

Love, respect and honesty

Alcohol and drugs were a theme in my abusive relationship – whether they were the sole reason, I don’t know. It was the holidays which astounded and hurt me the most. Trips to great places, but somehow these magical journeys ended in tears. You see I did not learn. I did not learn not to challenge his behaviour, I did not learn not to question why he did what he wanted, when he wanted without regard for me – I didn’t learn not to do these things especially when he was drunk, high on drugs or still hungover. I was always taught that relationships were about … Continue reading Love, respect and honesty

Effects of Psychological Abuse

Short-term effects of an emotionally abusive partner often have to do with the surprise of being in the situation or the questioning of just how the situation arose. Some emotional abusers don’t begin their abuse until well into a relationship, for me though it started within the first four months. The behavior and thoughts of the victim then change in response to the emotional abuse – I experienced all of the effects below, but for the first two and 1/2 years I really thought I could help him change. In the last 18 months I realised that was not going to happen – he was unable … Continue reading Effects of Psychological Abuse